Here is your Dmtri Old cut out and keep guide to this ICC driven nonsense.

Why is this being played? I know the tournament is shorter than in previous incarnations, and we’ve given Bangladesh and Zimbabwe the boot, but why is this being played at all? I suppose the ICC have to pay for those offices in Dubai.

The only team I don’t want to win? South Africa. Because they want to win it so badly. For a year now they are walking around like they are the best in the world. On the basis of winning in Australia (I’ve put on record how I believe their two victories were freaks), while, England-esque, forgetting about being beaten at home by the same opposition. Opposition England turned over, and I’m not claiming we are world beaters. Quite plausibly, if the umpire got it right, we could have levelled the series against South Africa at Edgbaston in 2007, but instead Smith lived to fight on and win the game. They beat us, sure, but the rub of the green was an aid. It was hardly an Aussie 2001 style humping. We aren’t talking the Invincibles here.

So they march around, as if they are the undisputed world best team at all forms of the game, and in the opening match, they get buried. I laughed my head off. Sure, it is only one game, but they looked awful. They looked great in the qualifying stages of the 20/20, but lost when the pressure really was on. Maybe they are going a different route today. They have bowled out New Zealand for not a lot, so will survive and then beat England to qualify. But while the best one day team in the world, as they are apparantly, were turned over 4-0 in England last autumn, Australia turned us over 6-1. Tell me, why do they believe they are all conquering? Hence I’d like to see them lose.

As for England, with the news KP is a major doubt for the winter – do we employ Dewhursts to do our operations – and Freddie wants to pursue a lucrative career in para-gliding or whatever bullshit he’s coming up with next to play in the IPL, I have no hope we can do anything because we lack pizzazz. That little inspiration factor. Prior, Shah, Bopara, Collingwood? Jesus. Strauss better make a couple of tons. To keep the games interesting. Why couldn’t we get West Indies B in our group to at least provide us with a level playing field. I await our customary defeat to New Zealand in any game that matters over 50 overs, and if they bat first, will we keep Sri Lanka under 350?

I’ll comment if I can be bothered. So don’t expect much.

As part of the self-indulgence this blog imbues in me, I thought I’d list the day’s test cricket I’ve been to, and how they turned out. I may, at a later time, comment on each in a bit more detail, but for now, from the first day (as recently as 1997) to the last (day 4 at The Oval last summer) here they are….

Number 1 – England v Australia (6th Test) at The Oval – 22 August 1997 (2nd day)

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Key Events – Phil Tufnell took 7/66 on the second day, as England fought back from being dismissed for 180 and limiting the Aussies lead to 40 runs. A bit drizzly for my first day at a test, but it was great to be there. I think I was in the old Gover Stand at the Vauxhall End. By the end of play England had wiped out the Australian’s lead, but lost three wickets in doing so. England gained a consolation victory the following day when bowling out Australia for 104.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 2 – England v Sri Lanka (Only Test) at The Oval – 28 August 1998 (2nd day)

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Key Events – John Crawley’s magnificent 156 not out dominated the day’s proceedings, but for the second test attendance running, a spinner took 7 wickets – Muttiah Muralitharan taking 7/155 in nearly 60 overs! England, resuming on 228/4 lost overnight centurion Hick in the first few minutes, but on the back of a 10th wicket stand of 89, got to 445. Sri Lanka started their reply and were 79/1 at the close as Jayasuriya scored the first 59 of his 213 runs.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 3 – England v New Zealand (4th Test) at The Oval – 19 & 20 August 1999 (1st and 2nd days)

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Key Events – England hit rock bottom in the rankings, before Bangladesh tainted proceedings, with this insipid display. I didn’t see the denouement, but I did see two days of dismal test cricket. England bowled New Zealand out for 236, after a first day that yielded 170 runs in 90 overs. Vettori made a brisk half century early on day two, while Fleming made a 5 and a half hour 66 not out. England finished the day at 150/7, with no-one doing anything of note (Hussain top scored with 40). This was the test with England’s infamous 9,10 and 11 being Mullally, Tufnell and Giddins. Unsurprisingly 150/7 became 153 all out the following morning as England went on to be soundly beaten and lose the series 2-1. This was Nasser Hussain’s first series in charge.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 4 – England v West Indies (5th Test) at The Oval – 1 & 2 September 2000 (2nd and 3rd days)

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Key Events -  My only chance to see Walsh and Ambrose (this was Curtly’s last test) in full flow, and my first Saturday at The Oval. Having missed a decent England batting display on day 1, England’s fall from 221/5 to 281 all out was disappointing. West Indies made 13/0 in a horribly rain-curtailed day, but just enough overs were bowled to ensure no refunds would be required. The Saturday was showery, and England bowled the Windies out for 125 including a first ball duck for Brian Lara. Craig White took 5/32. England got to 56/2 at the end and went on to win the match and the series.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 5 – England v Australia (5th Test) at The Oval – 23 & 24 August 2001 (1st and 2nd days)

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Key Events – Australia racked up 641/4 in the best part of two scorching days and set themselves up for the fourth win out of five in the series. Day 1 saw two wickets fall, Hayden for 68 and Ponting for 62, as Australia made 324/2 – Justin Langer (replacing Michael Slater who never regained his place) made 102 before retiring hurt. On the second day Mark Waugh completed a brilliant hundred before getting bored and getting himself out for 120, whereupon Steve Waugh continued the onslaught making 157 not out on one leg. Damien Martyn added 64 not out, with only Gilchrist not making a half-century, being caught for 25 off Usman Afzaal!!! By the end of day two, England were 80/1, with Warne dismissing Atherton for 13. This was Atherton’s last test, and Jimmy Ormond made his debut (being called lard arse by Ferret, one of our regular attendees at these games). Australia went on to win by an innings and change, despite Ramprakash’s 133.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 6 – England v India (4th Test) at The Oval – 5 & 6 September 2002 (1st and 2nd days)

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Key Events – Michael Vaughan dominated proceedings, as I saw my then highest test innings of 195 by the soon-to-be England captain, who at that time was just blossoming as England’s run machine. England made 515 over the best part of two days, and then dismissed Sehwag late on the second evening to have India at 66/1. As with Jayasuriya four years before, I saw the start of another double ton, this time by Rahul Dravid who had 31 of his 217 by close of play. Half-centuries by Trescothick, Butcher and a particularly lairy Dominic Cork were other “highlights”. The game petered out into a tame draw due to a 5th day washout.

RESULT – DRAW

Number 7 – Australia v England (1st Test) at The Woolloongabba, Brisbane – 7,8,9 & 10 November 2002

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Key Events – England get off to their customary disastrous start, taking just two wickets on day 1 after inserting the Aussies. Hayden makes a ton in both innings, Ponting scores his series opening ton, and England subside horribly on Day 4, a little after we left the stadium to visit Sir Peter’s friend on the Gold Coast. Day 1 was torture as England dropped catches, bowled poorly and lost Simon Jones to a long-term knee injury. Australia subsided from 364/2 to 492 all out the following day, with only Warne stemming the tide, and England finished hopefully at 158/1. However day three saw the Aussies take early wickets and bowl England out for 325 despite four England half-centuries (Trescothick, Butcher, Hussain and Crawley). Australia built on their lead and by the end of day three were 111/2, and nearly 300 in front. Hayden duly completed his ton the following day, Gilchrist had some fun, we left, England got bowled out for 79, we spent an extra day around the pool and went to Beaudesert.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 8 – Australia v England (2nd Test) at Adelaide Oval – 21,22,23 & 24 November 2002

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Key Events – England had a good first day and still ended up losing midway through day four. Michael Vaughan’s opening day 177 was brilliant, even though Langer probably caught him early on. Getting out off the last ball of the day to leave England 295/4 opened the door, and the Aussies crashed through to leave England 342 all out (four each for Gillespie and Drug Cheat). Australia made 552 in reply, with Ponting making a “routine” 154, Damien Martyn 95, Gilchrist 54 and Bichel 48; four wickets for Craig White. England then collapsed second time around, making just 159 (Stewart 57) and were beaten by an innings on a dank, drizzly fourth day. The fifth day would have been washed out as the heaven’s opened, and not much play would have taken place after England lost their final wicket. Still, the better team won. I nearly forgot, Glenn McGrath took four wickets and the “catch of the century”  to dismiss Vaughan.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 9 – England v South Africa (5th Test) at The Oval – 4,5 & 6 September 2003 (Days 1-3)

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Key Events – Probably the best three days test cricket I’ve seen and I still missed the best bits! South Africa batted first and made 484. Dismissed just after lunch on day two, the innings contained a blistering 183 by Herschelle Gibbs, a solid 90 by Gary Kirsten, a doughty 66 by Jacques Kallis and a jaunty 66 not out by Shaun Pollock. At 362/4 at the end of day one, you wouldn’t have got a price on England getting a series tying victory. England got three run outs(including Kallis after a flick off Giles’ hand) or else it could have been worse. In reply England finished day three at 502/7, thanks mainly to a 268 run partnership between Graham Thorpe in his comeback test (making 124) and Marcus Trescothick whose 219 is still the highest test innings I’ve seen. I missed Freddie’s fireworks on day four, and England went on to post 604/9. England bowled South Africa out cheaply and chased down the runs to square the series.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 10 – England v New Zealand (1st Test) at Lord’s – 20 May 2004 (Day 1)

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Key Events – My first visit to Lord’s for a test and the first day of England’s summer clean sweep of the tests. A nondescript day in Andrew Strauss’s debut appearance, as New Zealand made 284/5. Mark Richardson was denied a century when given out erroneously for 93, while Nathan Astle and Jacob Oram made half-centuries. England went on to win the test thanks to a ton and an 83 by Strauss and a valedictory sign-off ton by Nasser Hussain. Richardson made his own ton in the second innings.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 11 – England v West Indies (4th Test) at The Oval – 19,20,21 August 2004 (Days 1-3)

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Key Events – England won the test inside three days and completed seven in a row that summer. Making 470 in the first innings, with half centuries from Ian Bell on debut (70), Michael Vaughan (66), Andrew Flintoff (72) and Ashley Giles (52), the innings was notable for every single England player from 1-11 getting into double figures. West Indies’ first innings reply of 152 was inadequate; Steve Harmison took 6/46 while Lara made 79, the only decent knock I ever saw him make. Chris Gayle made a 79 ball ton in the second innings, hitting six fours in one over off Matthew Hoggard, but the West Indies limped to 318 all out, and Trescothick hit the third ball of England’s second innings to the fence to seal a 10 wicket win.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 12 – South Africa v England (3rd Test) at Newlands, Cape Town – 2-6 January 2005

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Key Events –England’s visit to the most beautiful ground I’ve ever seen ended in heavy defeat. South Africa made a cautious but solid 441 in their first innings, with 149 from Jacques Kallis and 70s from Graeme Smith and Nicky Boje, the latter when England were looking to make real inroads and bowl the hosts out for nearer 350. England were skittled out for 163 by Charl Langeveldt (5/46 on debut and with an injured hand) with no-one scoring anything of consequence. South Africa batted again and made 222/8 (Kallis top scored with 66) and then with over 5 sessions to play, bowled England out for 304. In a rare feat, England’s top score came from the number 11 position – Steve Harmison making 42. After the run of 11 test wins in 12 came to an end at Durban, the first defeat since South Africa at Headingley in 2003 cast “jinx” status on Dmitri for the first time.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 13 – South Africa v England (4th Test) at Wanderers, Johannesburg – 14 & 15 January 2005 (Days 2 and 3)

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Key Events – We missed Strauss getting his career best on the first day, and the second day was badly affected by poor weather, but we still saw Vaughan make an impressive 82 not out, brilliantly supported by Steve Harmison. England made 411/8, and on a bright and sunny day three, Herschelle Gibbs broke out of his poor form to finish the day 136 not out, with South Africa on 306/6 and the test evenly poised. Of course, all the fireworks went off on the following two days, and I’d flown back to London.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 14 – England v Australia (1st Test) at Lord’s – 21 & 23 July 2005 (Days 1 and 3)

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Key Events – Day 1 will be remembered for such a long time. 17 wickets, Harmison’s pace, McGrath’s devastating spell, KP’s debut – so much in one day. England bowled out Australia for 190, Langer top scoring with 40, Harmison taking 5/43, but finished the day at 92/7, with McGrath taking the first five wickets with just 21 on the board. Day three started with Australia on 292/7, and the game well away from England. The tail wagged, and got them up to 384 (Katich making 67), and by the close, England had subsided to 156/5, with KP 42 not out. England completed their defeat on the rain-affected 4th day.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 15 – England v Australia (5th Test) at The Oval – 8,9 and 10 September 2005 (Days 1-3)

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Key Events – I missed all the fireworks, the KP masterclass, the Sunday morning bowling heroics of Freddie and Hoggy. Instead, on the first three days, I saw Andrew Strauss’s magnificent 129, Freddie’s vital 72 and England made 373 (Drug Cheat taking 6/122). In reply over two shower-affected days, Langer made an aggressive century as the needs of the situation demanded, and Hayden saved his own skin with an attritional ton. We all know what happened next in the test.

Result – MATCH DRAWN

Number 16 – England v Sri Lanka (1st Test) at Lord’s – 13 May 2006 (Day 3)

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Key Events – England looked nailed on to win this test having made 551 on the first two days. Resuming at a tottering 91/6 on day three, the Sri Lankans delayed the inevitable follow on, making 192 (Mahela Jayawardena scoring 61) with Hoggard taking four wickets in the innings. Following-on, Sri Lanka finished the day at 183/3, with half centuries from Tharanga and Sangakkara. Sri Lanka still managed to save the test, batting for the next two days (there were some interruptions, to force a draw).

Result – MATCH DRAWN

Number 17 – England v Pakistan (1^st Test) at Lord’s – 13, 15 & 16 July 2006 (Days 1,3 & 4)

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Key Events – I got to the game midway through the first day when Cook and Collingwood were beginning their stand. By the end of the day England reached 309/3, with tons for both batsmen. When I returned to the game on the Saturday, Pakistan were chasing down England’s 528, and the innings was dominated by Mohammed Yousuf, who made 202, and helped pull Pakistan up from 66/3 to 445 (half centuries for Inzy and Kamran Akmal). The Sunday play saw the end of Pakistan’s innings, and England building on the lead. England reached 258/7, with Strauss reaching 128. The game was drawn the following day.

Result – MATCH DRAWN

Number 18 – England v Pakistan (4^th Test) at The Oval – 17-20 August (Days 1-4)

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Key Events – The game that ended when Pakistan refused to play. In the interim, England got skittled for 173 on day one, saw Pakistan reply with 504 (Mohammed Yousuf with another ton, and nineties from Mohammed Hafeez and Imran Farhat). England made a better fist of the second innings, with KP making 96 and Alastair Cook 83. England were 298/4 when the ball tampering incident and the children chucked their toys out of the cot.

Result – WHO THE HELL KNOWS!

Number 19 – Australia v England (2^nd Test) at Adelaide Oval – 1-5 December 2006 (All 5 Days)

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Key Events – You’ll know all about this son enough. 300 partnership, double ton for Colly, KP on fire, Hoggard’s seven, tons for Clarke and Ponting, the collapse, the chase, the despair. Read all about it on this blog.

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 20 – Australia v England (3^rd Test) at WACA Stadium, Perth – 14-18 December 2006 (All 5 Days)

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Key Events – Australia were held together by Hussey (74 not out) in their innings of 244, as Monty took five wickets to fuel the fires of Fletcher’s critics. England’s response wasn’t good enough, with only KP (70) making an impression in our 215. Hoggard bowled Langer first ball of the second innings (you will see the picture one day) but it never got better. Tons from Hussey, Clarke and Gilchrist (I saw hardly any of this as it was too hot and I was in the pool) put Australia well on top with 527/5. England’s pursuit was doomed to fail and by midway through Day 5 the Ashes were lost. Alastair Cook made a ton, Bell a fluent 80, and half-centuries from KP and Freddie were not enough. Unsurprising as no other batsman scored more than 5!

Result – ENGLAND LOSE

Number 21 – England v India (1^st Test) at Lord’s – 21 July 2007 (Day 3)

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Key Events – India resumed at 145/4 chasing England’s 298. England dismissed India for 201 (Anderson 5/42) and on a showery day took their score forward to 77/2. The game ended up being a draw when rain and Stevie B saved them.

Result – MATCH DRAWN

Number 22 – England v India (3^rd Test) at The Oval – 9-12 August 2007 (Days 1-4)

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Key Events – A high scoring draw. India made 664 over nearly two days. Kumble made his only test century (110) and Karthik (91), Dravid (55), Tendulkar (82), Laxman (51) and Dhoni (92) all made large contributions. England’s reply was not enough to avoid the follow-on – they made 345. Cook, Collingwood and Bell all made 60s, and all got out. India did not enforce the follow-on, instead taking their time over 180/6 on Day 4 before inserting England near the close and setting them 500 to win (Ganguly 57). England were 56/0 at the close and secured the draw the following day, but lost the series.

Result – MATCH DRAWN

Number 23 – England v New Zealand (3^rd Test) at Trent Bridge – 7 June 2008 (Day 3)

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Key Events – England had made 364, and had New Zealand on the ropes at 96/6 at the start of Day 3. New Zealand finished on 123 (Anderson 7/43) and followed-on. They finished the day 177/5 and completed their innings defeat the following day.

Result – ENGLAND WIN

Number 24 – England v South Africa (4^th Test) at The Oval – 7,8,9 & 10 August 2008 (Days 1-4)

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Key Events – KP’s only domestic test as captain resulted in a victory and a century for the skipper. South Africa were skittled for 194 on Day 1, and England replied with 316 – KP (100), Collingwood (61) and Harmison (49 not out) the top scorers – Ntini took 5/94. AB DeVilliers 97 and Hashim Amla’s 76 stretched the game into a 5^th day after rain wiped out most of Day 3. 318 wasn’t enough and England chased the runs down the following day (they had faced 8 balls on Sunday for 0/0).

Result – ENGLAND WIN

So, as long as the tickets turn up, the 5th Test at The Oval will be my 25th test. Look for more reporting as and when….

“Start The Car”

England – We are at home. 20/20s coming home. Its coming home. We can win it. If we play how we know we can, we can win it. We are at home, where we are dead good. We can win it.

Australia – We pick players with no first class experience, our best players bunked off the IPL, we are playing an Ashes series later in the summer, and we are really, really, really, really taking this seriously. Can we go now?

India – We hated 20/20. It was not pure cricket. It was a poor form of the game. We have no interest. Then we won the World 20/20. World Domination is ours!!!!!

Pakistan – Are we allowed to play?

New Zealand – Workmanlike, resistant, fighters, dogged, punches above their weight. And that’s just Jesse Ryder.

South Africa – We treat every game of cricket as a laugh. Our earnestness and rigour disguises what a fun team we can be. Did I mention we’ve not won a world cup yet?

West Indies – Chris Gayle Hearts 20/20.

Sri Lanka – In all seriousness, for once, I hope this return to international cricket is a path back to some normality. Jesus, imagine being caught up in that Lahore business….

Zimbabwe – Everything is good now. Can we come back to test cricket please. We’ve given Morgan a job, you know. it is really important as thirteenth deputy despot.

Bangladesh – We will win a decent test in the next few years, promise. But we are much better at this form… Really we are.

Also Rans – Why?

Readers may discern that I don’t really care about this old nonsense, but I will endeavour to watch some of it if the mood takes me.

The world’s richest team play agains the world’s biggest over-achievers in a 3 test series at the same venues England played at last winter in New Zealand. The first, like last year, started in Hamilton – the scene of an England horror show. Last night New Zealand were the team floundering. When Brendon McCullum fell the score stood at 60-6 and the Indians must have scented blood.

What took place then saw the Black Caps revive mightily, and it remains to be seen how good a score their 279 is. The revival came via a responsible 102 from the certified nutter Jesse Ryder, and a great 118 from Daniel Vettori. Vettori really is a phenomenal cricketer. Many is the time that England claim Flintoff is the world’s best all-rounder, I point out the record of Jacques Kallis and tell people to keep their mouths shut or betray their ignorance. You really have to add Daniel Vettori to those players who deliver just as much as an all-rounder than Freddie. His batting average is around 28 with three test tons, and added to that are 286 test wickets at 33 apiece and 18 five-fors. Freddie has a batting average in the low 30s, and no tons for four years, and 216 wickets at 32 but with just two match or innings clinching five-fors. Vettori probably has a lot less help from pitches than Freddie does in England. I think it is very close. Vettori bats at 8 most of the time – Flintoff at 6. You think the two place difference is merited.

Anyway, India wrapped up the innings soon after Vettori was removed and whistled on to 29-0, with Sehwag as breezy as ever. We’ll see how the visitors fare on this surface before coming to too many conclusions. Wickets were shared between the bowlers, but Ishant Sharma took four and Munaf Patel took 3, which may indicate the seamers will have more joy. They seemed to last year.

KP Shot….

Punched back down the ground – England v South Africa – The Oval 2008

Cricket Ground Shot…

Trent Bridge in the rain – England v New Zealand – 7 June 2008

Random action shot…

Andrew Strauss v India – July 2007 at Lord’s

First up, another KP special…

This one was taken towards the end of last season’s exciting one-day international at The Oval last June. Scott Styris is the batsman.

A cricket ground in Barbados next…

I confess I had to trawl the memory to remember this venue, but I do recall it being in North Barbados. A search came up with the following from the internet. The ground is at Diamond Corner in St Peter parish. Above is the green pavilion referred to in the article. The ground was lovely, as was the island as a whole.

The random cricket action comes from South Africa. Day 3 of the South Africa v England test at Johannesburg in January 2005, and Hoggard is bowling early on that Saturday morning. The rain had been heavy the night before and it was a miracle play started so early. Graeme Smith is at the non-striker’s end, and Herschelle Gibbs is starting out on the way to his 100. We were flying home that night, not before I sat near to Lewis from Inspector Morse (who was also on the same plane home).

Curses to England, but can’t you play up a bit to allow us some measure of gloating over the travails of the Australians. Today they completed their 5th successive defeat, this time losing the second of three games to New Zealand in Melbourne. The arrogance in “resting” their captain is just spellbinding. You are either admitting that you are playing too much cricket by knackering your best players, or you are disrespecting your opposition by not playing your best team. I thought eliminating the third team from their interminable one day road show was designed to cut fixtures. It seems as though the Aussies still need a rest.

Australia are finding out what the world knew all along. All the while you have the best bowling attack, your batting can flourish knowing that they can always get you back into the game. South Africa have the world’s best bowling attack and have used it in tests and one dayers. Dale Steyn is the world’s best quick bowler by a distance at the moment. That could have been Steve Harmison, you know…. India are a little bit of an anachronism, but in Ishant Sharma they have a potential rival to Steyn, and in Zaheer Khan they have one of the world’s cleverest bowlers. Their batting is the phenomenon, and it is why I think they’ll fall in a notch behind South Africa in the new world order.

Australia lost Warne and McGrath, and Lee and Clark are also absent. Johnson could be a top bowler in a couple of years, but who else is there? And now they know the bowling can’t bale them out, you see low scores in one dayers, like batting 50 overs for 225 and Michael Clarke admitting he’d been too cautious. Without Lee, McGrath et al in the ODI team, the freedom has been curtailed, and by leaving out your best batsman too… well, it’s staggering.

Welcome back to the pack Aussie, just as England fall off the pace.

“Within anything there is competitiveness to our culture. There is a perception that Australian people will win at all costs. That is true. We are very strong believers in winning, but winning ethically.”

Yet another exhibit of this mentality came about on Sunday. I provide you with the youtube link for your delectation…

Now an Aussie might, quite rightfully point out, that England were a little bit naughty with the run out of Grant Elliott at the Oval last summer. There is a little difference though. Paul Collingwood apologised for the incident and England are not hanging themselves out as the paragons of virtue. All we’ve had from the Aussies since Haddin got his hands trapped in the cookie jar is indignation and recrimination that the New Zealanders weren’t all that happy about it. They are claiming, the Aussies that is, apologies that have never been offered and that an embarrassing incident has now been cleared up. The New Zealanders are baffled.

Now I’m not claiming Haddin did it wilfully, or that it was a deliberate act of cheating, but he knew, trust me, that something weren’t right. You see it in his momentary hesitation as he runs away from the scene of the “crime”. Maybe if he’d said that in hindsight he should have asked for it to be checked out, and that he got caught up in the moment, then it might have been passed over rapidly. No, he played the affronted “victim” even though he was the one in the wrong. Then Tranny Lover piped up with his own brand of “ethics” and we have the Aussies in another “spirit of the game” storm.

All this doesn’t mask the state Aussie cricket is in, with the batting fragile and the bowling unthreatening. The loss against New Zealand was demoralising, especially as the Kiwis never had two of their big one day players, Oram and Ryder, which rather counter-balances the Aussies being without Symonds and Lee, for example. Ross Taylor’s knock was exemplary, and Vettori was cool under pressure, winning the game off the last ball. The Aussies used to win those games.

I’ll start with my three contenders for Player of the Week first.

Martin Guptill for his century on debut for New Zealand and a well made 40 odd in the series clincher.

Chris Gayle for his imperious knock at Napier, even in a losing cause.

Rohit Sharma for his century in both innings in the Ranji Trophy final – the key man in Mumbai’s 38th triumph.

So to the weekend round-up, and I’ll come to the results at the end of this piece. Test matches have been put to rest for the time being, so the one day circus revolves around the globe. In Bangladesh the home country overcame a defeat by Zimbabwe to still make the final after defeating Sri Lanka, and indeed looked set to hoist whatever trophy they were playing for before Murali’s miracle. Australia are hosting the second ODI against South Africa in Hobart as I write, having lost the first and won the two preceding 20/20 internationals. The ODI in Melbourne was a pulsating clash and these two are playing exciting, competitive cricket. New Zealand won a rain-affected ODI series in Napier to win 2-1, but this was a Duckworth Lewis victory which spolied what looked like an exciting conclusion in the offing.

England’s Under 19s levelled their five match Youth ODI series in Paarl with a 13 run success in Game 4. Highly touted Sam Northeast top scored for England with 68, and left arm spinner Liam Dawson took three wickets. All in for the decider.

On the search for run scorers around the globe, Ijaz Ahmed, not to be confused with the experienced pro of the 80s and 90s, made 229 not out for Faisalabad against Quetta in the Pakistani domestic championship. Ijaz played two tests in 1995 and falls into the veteran category! Yasir Arafat, Kent and Sussex’s finest, took 7 for 45 for the brilliantly name team Khan Research Laboratories in a match against the similarly catchy Sui Northern Gas Pipelines Ltd. Danish Kaneria took 8 for 59 against the Sui Southerners for Habib Bank, and then followed it up with 5 for 22. Shame he’s a Shotgun player.

In the West Indies domestic game, Gavin Wallace of Jamiaca, described as a leg break bowler, took 8 for 20 as the Leeward Islands were dismissed for 91 in St Kitts. That wasn’t mentioned in last week’s round-up…

So to player of the week. I think I’ll plump for a domestic cricketer. While the likes of JP Duminy, Muttiah Muralitharan and Albie Morkel played decent knocks this week, and Chris Gayle and Martin Guptill made eye-catching tons, to score two centuries in your tournament final is meritorious, so HDWLIA player of the week is Mumbai and India’s Rohit Sharma.

A quick summary then of the on-field events this weekend.

Australia captured the first of the two Twenty 20 matches with South Africa. I’ve commented on this in the posts below. David Warner has captured the Aussie imagination with some stupendous clean hitting, especially off Ntini and Steyn.

New Zealand had a record-setter in Martin Guptill. The 22 year old from Auckland made an unbeaten 122 in the New Zealand innings of the rain-affected match at Eden Park; a game that was ultimately ruined by the inclement weather meaning the series goes to a 5th game, with the match in Napier the series decider. For that game the Kiwis will have Jesse Ryder back in the fold, after his drinking exploits left him carrying the beverages for the 4th game.

In Bangladesh, the clash of the test titans went the way of Zimbabwe over the hosts. Bangladesh are a real odd bunch. They can turn over India and Australia in one dayers, but they are susceptible to the ravaged Zimbabweans. Elton Chigumbura was man of the match with 64, a wicket and a run out, as the visitors defended 205 by bowling out Bangladesh for 167 in Dhaka. Sri Lanka play Zimbabwe in the next game in this series tomorrow morning.

In India, almost forgotten opener, and scourge of England in 2006, Wasim Jaffer turned it on in the Ranji Semi-final with 301 in Mumbai’s mammoth first innings. Sachin Tendulkar added 122 as Mumbai proceeded into the final, where they will meet Uttar Pradesh (who beat Tamil Nadu on 1st innings). I note Wasim Jaffer also notched a ton in the quarter-final victory – a man pressing for a recall with nowhere to go while Gautem Gambhir is performing so well. The final starts tomorrow in Hyderabad.

Had a look at the latest game in the West Indies regional competition. It seems Guyana don’t have much strength in depth! Also with Chattergoon not really impressing in New Zealand, Devon Smith’s double ton when most around seemed to be struggling will give the Windies selectors a timely shove. Smith got a ton in the first innings in Jamaica in 2004 against England, and he may be the man coming out to open with Gayle next month.

I’ll try to review as much as I can at opportune moments in the cricket world for your delectation.