Century #13 – 102 not out by BJ Watling v Zimbabwe at Napier – BJ Watling becomes the second maiden centurion of the year after Virat Kohli and New Zealand’s first since Kane Williamson’s ton on debut in Ahmedabad in November 2010 (Watling played in that test but played just one more before his recall for this game). Watling’s previous best was 60 not out against Pakistan at Napier in December 2009.

This was only the 11th century by New Zealand’s designated wicket-keeper in their test history. Brendon McCullum has five of those, Adam Parore and Ian Smith two each and one by the first Kiwi keeper I remember, Warren Lees. The fifth wicket-keeper to score a ton for New Zealand….really surprised. It was the second by a Kiwi keeper at Napier (McCullum with 115 v India in 2009), and the 7th in New Zealand by a home player. There have been 16 tons scored by keepers in New Zealand – McCullum (3), Gilchrist (2), Ian Smith (2) are the only multiple ton makers (for reference the others are Les Ames, Tim Ambrose, Alan Knott and Alec Stewart from England; Junior Murray (WI), Kaluwitharana (SL), Moin Khan (Pakistan), and Watling and Parore from the home nation. The highest score by a keeper in New Zealand is 185 by Brendon McCullum against Bangladesh. The highest against proper opposition is 173 made by Ian Smith and Alec Stewart.

This was the 102nd score of 102 in test matches. 4 of those 102s were made by Salim Malik and only one of them was the “just completed a century, time to declare” kind. The 1st was scored by Tup Scott for Australia against England at The Oval in 1884, the 50th took another 100 years befor Syed Kirmani made 102 against England at Mumbai, and the 100th was Misbah-ul-Haq at Basseterre against the West Indies last May. That first 102 came in a match where a number 10 batsman made a century. Got to love funky old-timers cricket.

So let me wander off topic for a little review of the first ever maker of 102. Tup Scott was so named because when in London he used the buses a lot, which cost tuppence. He was a doctor by trade and had a short cricket career because of it. According to wikipedia he is the first subsitute fielder to take a catch in test cricket. He did it for England against Australia (you don’t catch your mates out). His 102 was his only test ton, and he died of typhoid.

Tup Scott - Mr 102

Back to the present day an BJ Watling’s was the first 102 in Napier. The most 102s have been scored at Melbourne (7), with a surprising ground, the Queen’s Park Oval in Port of Spain coming in second (6). Perth and The Oval have five apiece. I have been in the ground for one part of a 102, but can’t claim to have seen it – that would be Adam Gilchrist’s 102 not out onslaught against England at Perth – see Swimming Pool Ton.

BJ Watling’s ton came in 148 balls.

The way we chased on Saturday had scary undertones of how we tried to get a draw at Adelaide in the test this blog is named after. Boycott was clear in his advocacy for “occupying the crease” “bat and bat and bat” etc. so the openers batted for an immense amount of overs for just 20-odd runs (Cook was out at the end of the 15th over). We became utterly shotless. Anyone there that day in Adelaide knows that leads to trouble.

Then came Ian Bell at number three, and his dismissal just about had me lift off the chair and through the ceiling. A careless dab, rolled back onto the stumps, and under pressure again the master of the small occasion had been found wanting. KP came in, and his nightmare run against Pakistan continued. After his 2010 horrors he has looked bereft of a clue in this series, and sure enough, he succumbed. Now is the time to test the bloke’s real commitment. I don’t think he should be dropped due to form – that’s a joke and the calls for him to go are ridiculous when in reality only Cook and Trott at this stage are more certain batting selections – but maybe a warning shot across the bows might really wake him up. Leave him out of the 3rd Test, put in someone else, in a test that despite this world number 1 bollocks, is a dead rubber. Yes, you read it here. Drop KP.

Meanwhile Eoin Morgan looks miles from being a reliable test batsman, and yet the potential replacements seem a mile off. Bopara is just returning to a past failure, so where is the new blood? James Taylor? Who the hell else? Who do the selectors have in mind?

A scribe on here was berating Bob Willis for crying out for someone to come in and slog a quick 20 or 30. You know what, Danno, I agreed with him? This needed England to get to 50 for the loss of 1, 100 for the loss of 3, and we were there. Australia in its pomp would have just counter-attacked, put the pressure on Pakistan. This was not a simple pitch to bat on but it wasn’t a 72 all out pitch. It needed a Broad-like innings from the first dig and the game was done. Instead the England team subsided like wet cardboard. 68 for 5 to 72 all out in 11 balls. I have rarely been more ashamed of a batting performance.

So those mouthy Indian cricket fans were correct. England can’t play spin, can’t play sub-continent cricket and are not worthy of the number 1 slot. This England team has the best bowling line-up in all conditions in the world. Panesar is our reserve spinner and would walk into the team of our non-subcontinent rivals. Anderson and Broad were superb. Swann is a doughty fighter and although a bit over-rated, is well regarded. Prior is a sound keeper now with a fighting attitude at the crease. The top six need to take a serious look at themselves. Changes MUST be made if only to take these guys out of their cosy positions where once again it is much harder to be dropped than to get a chance.

One last note to Geoffrey Boycott. I was listening on the radio en route to Costco on Friday when he announced that the test was over. I screamed at the radio (the beloved was not pleased) that the tiresome old buffoon should just shut his mouth. Azhar Ali and Asad Shafiq were at the crease and batting solidly. Any target over 100 is an adventure with this England side. The previous test had seen our two innings buffered by tail-end antics, not top order solidity. Their keeper still had to come in and he’d made an excellent half-century in the first test. Under no stretch of the imagination was this test over. It never is.

So for the TMS “expert” to witlessly announce it as if FACT, is moronic. He can spout off all he likes about England being roooobish and what not, but he need only look at recent history against our opponents. On the back of the Ashes 2005, England went to Pakistan and in Multan in the first test, we bowled Pakistan out for 274. England piled on and got an excellent lead as Tres’s 193 put us 144 runs in front on 1st innings and in an unassailable position. At 131 for 3, England looked in the box seat, with plenty of time for Pakistan to bat, but they did solidly and set us 198 to win. We were bowled out for 175 and lost the test. While not quite as stark, it did show how pressure rose on the team batting last. On that surface our top five wickets went for 90-odd. It was all about pressure, it happens.

Just teams supposedly the best in the world overcome that and win.

Meanwhile Australia completed a 4-0 whitewash of India, and are now mouthing off about how great they are. Well, they do have a series win in Sri Lanka to boast about, but still, 47 all out and a home defeat to New Zealand in a test aren’t also things that should be cheered. As it should also be remembered that much of the attack they put out this time around got spanked around Australia by England, and their batting subsided most times. Ponting and Clarke aren’t going to rescue your top three every time.

Back to England and the notes coming out are of batsman being replaced. That should be funny given only Bopara appears to be out there. Maybe he deserves a go, but the way he played Sri Lankan attacks a few years ago doesn’t suggest long occupations of a crease.

Finally, well played Pakistan. Brilliant bowling, superb captaincy, and resilience to build your way out of a hole. The batting needs a new star and then we could be seeing a really dangerous team in all conditions. I’m not sure where their next travels take them, but I’ll be a really interested follower. They showed in 2010, when the old betting nonsense wasn’t getting in the way, that they could bowl England out cheaply, and they are proving it at home. Their batting was so awful in 2010 that it cost them, yet even with that awfulness they chased down a total similar to our requirement on Saturday, at the Oval. They are not to be underestimated. However, at Abu Dhabi it must be remembered that not long ago AB DeVilliers made 278, I believe, and no England player has got a ton in the first two games. Our road woes make us a rickety world #1 when good teams like Pakistan hit form.

Go talk to the wall, England. Clueless, shotless, aimless, hopeless, gutless, witless, gormless, unacceptable batting.

Ian Bell – same again. Under pressure, soft dismissal. KP – need you to be the big man in a crisis, you don’t. You can’t keep living on 2005.

Well played Pakistan.

Century #11 – 122 retired hurt by Ross Taylor v Zimbabwe at Napier – This is Ross Taylor’s 6th test century, his 2nd at Napier and his 1st against Zimbabwe. For reference his career best is 154 v England, his Napier best is 151 v India and the McLean Park record score is Jesse Ryder’s 201 against India in 2009. This score currently ranks as the 14th highest made at Napier, which has hosted test cricket since 1979.

UPDATE – It is complete as Ross Taylor has torn his calf muscle and is out of the series. He finishes with a red ink 122, his 4th highest score in tests. He has three scores against Zimbabwe, the lowest of which is 76. Taylor has two tons at Napier, to join two at Hamilton and one at Wellington. He is the first man to score two test tons at Napier.

This was the 56th score of 122, the first was by Tom Hayward in 1896, the last by Younis Khan in Sharjah against Sri Lanka. Sachin Tendulkar has three scores of 122, one not out and two out.

Taylor’s century took 154 balls and contained 2 sixes.

Century #12 – 116 by Virat Kohli v Australia at Adelaide – Virat Kohli becomes the first maiden test centurion this year with his innings in a forlorn cause at Adelaide. His previous best score was 75. This is the first century by an Indian in this series, and the first outside India for the nation since Rahul Dravid’s carrying of his bat at The Oval.

This is the 112th largest score at Adelaide Oval, and there have been 163 centuries at the famous old ground. It is the joint 9th highest score made by an Indian batsman at Adelaide, where the Indians have made 11 test tons (the highest being Rahul Dravid’s 233). He is the third Indian to make a century at Adelaide batting in the #6 position. The best is 174 by the enigmatic Sandeep Patil (a real flamboyant player) who leads all number 6 batsmen in that category (not just India – Steve Waugh is second with 164 – only one English #6 has made a ton; Jack Russell in 1921. No, he really isn’t that old).

This was the 59th instance of a batsman making 116. It was the 6th at Adelaide Oval, the ground with the most 116s in test cricket, moving one clear of Headingley.

Virat Kohli’s century came up in 199 balls, and contained one six.

Kohli joins Suresh Rainia, Ravichandran Ashwin, Murali Vijay and Harbhajan Singh as maiden century scorers since 2010.

According to the Aussie media, Michael Clarke is the first skipper to score a triple century and a double century in the same test series. I seem to recall Graeme Smith passed 250 in successive tests as skipper, but I’ll give the Aussies that one. Want a skipper’s series, just look to Graham Gooch against India in 1990. A triple followed by two tons on the bounce. Have that.

In this innings Ricky Ponting passed 13000 test runs. He has scored 1663 runs at Adelaide Oval at an average over 60 and is the ground he has scored most test runs at (SCG is next with 1480). He averages over 80 at home against India.

So who will be next. Will someone make a ton in Napier where New Zealand meet Zimbabwe? Will Misbah-ul-Haq make a ton in his quixotic innings? Or will it finally be Sachin’s 100th ton.

A Previous Ricky Ponting Ton At Adelaide

Century #9 – 221 by Ricky Ponting v India at Adelaide – This was the fourth score of 221 in the history of test cricket; the other three were by Sunil Gavaskar in the epic 4th innings at The Oval in 1979, Brian Lara against Sri Lanka in Colombo, and Robert Key against the West Indies at Lord’s in 2004. Exalted company for the Old Colfeian!

This was the 7th highest score made at Adelaide Oval (record remains 299 not out by Medium Paced Flogger Bradman), but interestingly five of the top 7 have been made since 2000. Bob Simpson is the one other man to pass 221 prior to 2000 (since then Ponting, Dravid, Pietersen and Lara have done it; Ponting twice).

This is Ponting’s second highest score at Adelaide, behind his 242 in a losing cause eight and a bit years ago. It was his sixth double century, and also the one with the lowest strike rate, and the one with the lowest number of boundaries. Ponting is an interesting case because most of his top scores do not include a six! All three of Ponting’s top three scores have come against India, all at home. He has a score of 195+ at all six major Australian test venues (257 MCG, 242 Adelaide, 209 Hobart, 207 SCG, 197 WACA and 196 Brisbane).

His 100 came off 164 balls, his 200 off 357 balls.

DBTA to follow…..

And A Previous Michael Clarke Effort....

Century #10 – 210 by Michael Clarke v India at Adelaide – This was the seventh 210 in the history of tests, and the third by an Aussie (Dean Jones and Bill Lawry had the other two). I remember 2 of the 210s. Graham Gooch made one against New Zealand and Gary Kirsten took about two years to make one at Old Trafford. This is the 13th highest individual score made at Adelaide Oval and with Ponting’s added there have now been 19 double centuries in test matches at Adelaide, with 9 of them in the last 12 years.

Michael Clarke has made the highest score by a man with a surname beginning with the letter C at Adelaide, passing Collingwood’s 206. It isn’t the highest by a captain – that goes to Bob Simpson (despite all those above him in the pecking order having captained their team, none made their monster scores as captain) and his 225. He is the fourth Aussie captain to make a double at Adelaide (Bradman (twice), Simpson and Border).

Three of Clarke’s five highest scores have come against India. There have now been 58 scores of 200 or more by test match captains, and early in his captaincy Clarke has put two on the board. The leader in most doubles by a skipper is Brian Lara (5), with behind him Bradman (4) and three each by Greg Chappell, Stephen Fleming, Mahela Jayawardene, Bob Simpson and Graeme Smith. No England captain has ever made two doubles as skipper (indeed we have a very few to have scored double tons…we have had six – see if you can name them).

His 100 came off 133 balls, his 200 off 255 balls and included 1 six.

DBTA to follow.

As for the partnership of 386, this was the fifth highest for the fourth wicket in all tests (51 short of the record) and the second highest for Australia, 2 short of Bradman and Ponsford at Leeds in 1934. It was the highest 4th wicket partnership in Australia and against India. It was the second highest partnership ever in Australia, falling 19 short of Barnes and Bradman in 1946. It was the 82nd 300 partnership in test matches, the 19th highest in tests all time and the second 350+ stand by Clarke and Ponting in tests (I believe only the partnership of Bradman and Ponsford has done that – greedy sods pushed it past 380 both times).

Enough stats. If anything more comes to me, I’ll be sure to scribe it down here…..

Pakistan v England: pathetic batting cost Andrew Strauss and his team and makes a mockery of their No 1 ranking

Oh sod off, you frightful old tart.

I never thought I would see a three-day Test match in the United Arab Emirates. These pitches are slow, flat and good for batting on for long periods. Watching England’s two innings gave the impression of a team who had not prepared well and did not have a clue about how to play in the subcontinent.

Pakistan, who are supposed to be at home in these conditions made a gargantuan score of 350. Look at the previous games in Dubai. Slow, low, not a lot happening.

Yet we all know that this group of players, and their huge number of backroom staff, have been out here for just more than two weeks. They have had time to adjust. A par score on this pitch was more than 350. When England made 192 on the first day they dug such a big hole for themselves that it was impossible to scramble out.

Boycott has a thing about huge backroom staff. He’s gone on and on and on about it before. Tiresome old coot.

Jack Nicklaus always said you can’t win a golf tournament on the first day but you can sure as hell lose it. England did exactly that with awful batting.

What, we lost a golf tournament? Why are we playing a 70 year old anyway?

This England team have not won in the subcontinent. They even played badly in the World Cup last year, which was held in India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. Until they start playing well in the subcontinent they can’t call themselves the best team in the world and definitely can’t be judged against some of the other great England sides.

No. We are not calling ourselves the number 1 team in the world. That is what the rankings say and we don’t compile them, the ICC and their people do. Merely recounting this utterly ridiculous mantra that somehow we’ve awarded ourselves this title is totally disingenuous. We are world number 1 because we have beaten Australia home and away, avoided defeat out in South Africa, win virtually every home test series, and one defeat here is not going to alter that fact. So shut the fuck up. Plus one day cricket is not test cricket.

Our bowlers did a splendid job. Our seamers bowled disciplined lines, they made the ball shape a bit in the air and move occasionally off the seam. Bowling out Pakistan for just over 300 on this pitch was a good performance. The bowlers ran in with pace, commitment and no blame can be attached to them. Forget the two-spinners debate. England lost because of the way they batted. Simple.

Man, you needed to play 100+ tests or whatever to realise that last bit. Did Pakistan not have a better spinner on display than Graeme Swann?

While trying to save the game on Thursday, Alastair Cook and Kevin Pietersen should not have been attempting the hook shot. Cook, of all people, is capable of batting for long periods. KP, we all know, just doesn’t think. It is all bravado and talent. “I am going to play my way and nobody is going to stop me.”

You senile old tosser. Yes, that’s all KP is about. Unable to adapt, his way or the highway, all bravado, no brains. All good players get out to crass shots. “KP, as we all know, just doesn’t think”. He gets paid for analysis like this. It is thievery. So Cook is a little wisp of a lad and really doesn’t play bad shots, but KP is a fucking idiot. Both average around 50 in tests, so they’ve done remarkably well up until this pearl of bleeding wisdom.

It was as if their brains went out of the window as they were padding up in the dressing room.

Never one to let it go, this geriatric recidivist whinges on and on.

From two innings it is clear Ian Bell couldn’t pick Saeed Ajmal. He has more chance of picking his nose than Ajmal’s doosra. And if you can’t pick a wrist spinner then you are struggling.

Saeed Ajmal isn’t a wrist spinner. A doosra is bowled by an off-spinner. Ian Bell used to play Shane Warne quite well at the end of his career, and has had no problems against other spinners other than the fact he gets out to crap shots a lot when the heat is on. To say he is an abject failure and give up on him after one game is pathetic, even by this sad old cock’s lamentably awful standards.

Andrew Strauss was unlucky to get a bad decision. I wouldn’t have given him out. Jonathan Trott played a faultless knock, a bit like Matt Prior in the first innings. His performance was about occupation of the crease, being watchful, careful, patient and simply waiting for an easy ball to hit. Then somehow his concentration lapsed and he succumbed to a cross-batted cut without moving his feet.

That’s creeeeeckit, isn’t it Geoff. You can play well and one mistake can be the ending of you. Still, you don’t understand all that. You were a perfect batsman, weren’t you. Obviously you contradicted yourself about a faultless knock, because if it were without fault, he’d have scored a lot more. Drivel.

Eoin Morgan is overrated as a Test match cricketer. I know he is a superb one-day batsman but under pressure in Test matches he doesn’t cut it. In the first innings he attempted a premeditated sweep to a straight half-volley. In the second innings he played back to a half-volley that turned out of the bowlers’ footmarks and all he could do was get a thin edge to the keeper.

Yeah, we know you don’t like Morgan. You said as much all summer. I’d love him to get that big hundred to shove it down your pipe, but that’s me.

Making runs in Test cricket is no big deal. Morgan made a hundred at Edgbaston against India last summer, but everyone was at it then against a poor attack. It is making runs for the team when you are in trouble that is the mark of a quality player.

Check out Eoin Morgan’s first test century. Came in at a dodgy 118-4 and put on 200+ with Paul Collingwood. He made 130 out of 340. No, never done it under pressure, you total tool.

Strauss was interviewed after winning the toss and said all the right things about how the team had realised in the two weeks since arriving here that they had to occupy the crease, show a great deal of patience and accept that runs arrive at a slower pace than on the bouncy pitches in Australia and South Africa. He was dead right. But only two of his players stayed on message: Prior and Trott.

You love all that slowcoach nonsense, don’t you. There is a difference between slow accumulation and dead stop. England played a test for the first time in these conditions for a couple of years, and you want to throw a wobbly. Get off your high horse, you sad old cock. Only two people stayed on message. Those that did not get out. Andrew Strauss doesn’t listen to himself….

In the first innings, and at times during the second, England gave the impression that they had decided not to let Ajmal tie them down.

Somehow they felt they had to get on top of him and score runs. In the first innings Cook was out cutting Mohammad Hafeez but picked the wrong length and it was too close to his body to play that shot. Also this was only the sixth over of the match.

He was trying to score runs and he didn’t connect. Connect properly and he scores runs. That happens in all forms of the game. Sometimes you are on, sometimes not. The better ones are on more often than not. If you look at the last series against Pakistan, none of our batsmen had really good series. But you put it all down to the pitch. Of course. There can be no other explanation in your simplified world other than the fashionable one. England can’t play on the subcontinent.

Strauss then attempted to pull a good-length ball that was not short enough before Pietersen missed a straight ball, lunging at least two feet in front of his pad.

Well, well, well. We all got ourselves out. Of course we did. Invoke the past, Geoff, invoke the past…

Ken Barrington knew how to bat in the subcontinent. He used to say you had to book in for bed and breakfast, which means when you get in, stay in and make the opposition bowl you out. The two guys who made runs for Pakistan, Hafeez and Misbah-ul-Haq, did exactly that. It is not rocket science and England should have taken note.

Here endeth another boring piece of populist, self-aggrandising, know-it-all cack from the master. Whenever he enters the commentary box on TMS I switch off. I can’t abide the old cock. He lives in another era, he is charmless, he hates success, and loves to criticise. I await his “death of test cricket” shite if England get turned over in the second test. You know, like how he felt bad that India were being humiliated last summer and it would have the main men switching off in their droves. No-one in the England camp takes this arse seriously because he writes unutterable wank like this.

Nonsense. If he gets any more knee-jerk he’ll fracture his jaw.

Here is my completed entry…

Preferred form of the game – Test matches, because Australia seems enraptured by BBL shite at the moment.

Favourite Aussie Player – Super Sugar Shane Watson, of course.

Least Favourite – Michael Hussey. You think I am taking this seriously?

Who should be groomed as next skipper – Skipper Shane Watson, of course.

Favourite Commentator – Mark Nicholas. Long may he stay in his adopted country, the traitorous scum.

Least Favourite Commentator – Richie Benaud for “My Spin On Cricket”

Where In Sydney Should T20 be Played – ANZ Stadium (because Bondi Beach wasn’t an option)

Third Umpire / DRS to be used in all Tests – No, because I know it winds up Malcolm Conn that it isn’t.

BBL Bigger Than One Day Cricket – Yeah. Pinnacle of your career to win a beer match. 

50 Over Game Dead? – Bloody well should be after the last five World Cups.

David Warner as T20 Captain – No. Slamming Sixes Shane Watson should be.

Should They Pick Brett Lee for T20/ODI – Of course they should. Bring the youngsters on. Have a Bing on that.

Win Back The Ashes In 2013 – Of course they will. Best bowling attack EVER. Top order is set, middle order youthful and energetic, and England smashed on the sub-continent. Don’t mention Hobart and 47.

Brad Haddin to be Replaced In The Team – With shattered fingers Paine, of course. Keep him in.

Ricky Ponting to step aside? – Oh yes. All those replacements killing to get in, like….like….

Michael Hussey to step aside? – Chuck them both out. That’ll help.

Michael Clarke to stay as captain – No.

If not, who should replace him – Strategic Seargent-Major Shane Watson, who else? Haven’t you asked me this before?

Vice-Captain – Superior Statesman Shane Watson needs no deputy

Give Phil Hughes Another Go – Yes. The Aussies are crying out for someone to wear down the edges on their bats. We could do with a laugh.

Mitchell Johnson ever play another test match – Oh Yes. Make it in England as well. He’s a fan favourite, and that’s no lie. “He bowls to the left, he bowls to the right.That Mitchell Johnson, he’s dynamite”. Or something like that.

Australia’s best (current) spin bowler – Shane Warne. Why no Michael Beer in the list? No Jason Krezja? (seriously, the options were Lyon, MacGill, Hogg and Warne). Where’s Bryce McGain? And best of all, where’s the man to get KP out, Xavier Doherty?

Shane Watson should return in which postion (opener/3/6) – Number 3 of course. Perfectly suited to take his place among the legends of the game. The proper answer should have been wherever Smashing Sexy Shane Watson wants to return to.

Long-term fast bowling spearhead – Ryan Harris and his geriatric knees.

Should the captain be a selector – Selector Shane Watson, of course he should. If he were a selector, he’d pick himself.

AUSSIE ATTACK THE BEST I’VE FACED….

“INDIAN blaster Virender Sehwag has declared Australia’s rejuvenated pace army the best he has faced in his 95-Test career.”

Stop right there. He thinks Pattinson, Starc, Harris, Siddle and Lyon is the best he’s ever faced? Even the author of this utter cack ain’t buying this sack of merde.

I’m going to put all jingoism aside and put his lack of memory of last summer in England, when he turned up fat and out of practice because he wanted to take his IPL cash in full and fuck international cricket, down to the fact that three of his four innings lasted a combined 8 balls (was there anything more funny than him pitching up for Edgbaston, no games under his belt, walking into the team, and getting a king pair), so he didn’t have time to judge our attack because on three occasions he saw only one of the bowlers! But as the last paragraph of this bilge at the end said…

“Sehwag was part of the Indian team that lost 2-1 in a drought-breaking Australian win on Indian soil in 2004.

That touring side’s bowlers were Glenn McGrath, Jason Gillespie, Michael Kasprowicz and Shane Warne.”

So he is talking bollocks then.