I was about to write up something or other on cricket in general this afternoon, and gosh darn it, the job had to get in the way. It was to have three strands… Surrey. England v Aussie ODI Series. Freddie.
I would usually use my Surrey membership to watch the day/night Pro 40 game. Tonight, I would rather go home and have the dog bite me than go through that purgatory. I did not watch the game, but caught the highlights as I was channel surfing. 200 chased down by Warwickshire for the loss of 1 wicket. Abominable. Coming on the tails of a disgraceful performance at Northampton on Sunday and we are now bottom of that league too. I know in the scheme of things it doesn’t matter but ten years ago this was the best side in England, and by a fucking distance. Now we are bottom of the one day league, non-entities in the cup competitions and in some danger of finishing bottom of the county championship. And this is progress?
My limited readership must also be wondering why there has been no comment on the one day series, which Australia lead 5-0. It is because I, like most of the country it seems, really couldn’t give a toss. The pundits can ramble on all they like about us not taking one day cricket seriously, being clueless at it or whatever, but the fact remains that this series is after the Lord Mayor’s Show. The sole aim of the ECB and the England hierarchy, and to a large extent the supporters is the Ashes. Anything else we’ll take. It is The Ashes. A 7 game series isn’t so much flogging a dead horse as killing its siblings for sport. The worst nightmare must have been a big beating, and we’ve delivered. England’s one day team just does not have the “wow” factor. Bopara is as bad at this as he is at tests. Shah is a run out waiting to happen. Strauss tries as best he can, but gets out when we need him to go on. Prior has done naff all. Collingwood is a game trier but he isn’t an action hero like Bruce Willis. More like Wincey Willis. The bowling is unthreatening, and we dropped Broad and Rashid after they had reasonable first games. Why isn’t Jonathan Trott there? No, it is dull; I am fed up with Ian Asperger’s rantings, and I’ve had enough. Spare me two more games.
And so to Freddie. I am so so sorry, but the man is an arse. I read the articles trying to cover his backside as to why he is doing what he is doing. Choosing his time to play for England, and when he should rest. His manager today has said he has opted out so he could do some TV show in which he could bungee jump. Well that’s just peachy. A man who may “never play again” and is desperate to play at the top level of one day cricket fancies a bit of nutty behaviour and so has opted out of his England contract. So it isn’t to say naff off to a tour of Bangladesh then, or to avoid a one day series that might clash with the IPL. Course not. I’ll bet come World Cup time, or Australia ODIs he’ll be making himself available, but this man who has given up tests to play 20/20 around the world – in South Africa, India, Australia and England if we ever put another worthwhile tournament together – has opted out so he can make a TV show in which he’ll bungee jump? Pull the other one….
Come the mundane games – oh, he’ll turn up of there’s no other money making opportunity no doubt. Harsh? Let me see where we are in two years time and review it then, eh?
Overall, reading the coverage, I had one main thought. For years the press have been hinting that the first player to opt out of a contract would be Kevin Pietersen. The ground was laid, as it was for Tony Greig in the Packer era, to have KP as the bete noire of English cricket. The man who sold his international future to the highest bidder because he sees himself as indispensable. The fucking South African who doesn’t give a shit except about money. And now it is Flintoff, genial old Freddie, the journos are all over the place, being sympathetic, hardly calling him out at all. It reminds me of when Alan Shearer announced Euro 2000 would be his last tournament. He loved it when the press kept asking him to come out of retirement after that. Watch this charade take place around next August when the 2010/11 Ashes squad is selected. With no massive 20/20 tournament on at that time, what’s stopping Freddie doing it again for Queen and country? Watch it. Set your watch by it. Watch his management leak stories out about he would love to do it, but [pitiful excuse]. The fact is that the journo’s goose is cooked should KP follow Freddie’s lead. Their poster child has done it first. You can’t pin all the blame on KP when their genial old boy has fucked off first. Yes, I am livid. No, I won’t apologise about the language. If I were the ECB, I’d want my money back for the operation and any rehab this winter. If, as is rumoured, the ECB are paying the physio Dave Roberts to get him fit again, I’d stop that forthwith. Pay it out of your IPL contract. You value that more than an England one. Or come up with a better excuse than fucking bungee jumping.
Meanwhile Andrew Caddick is retiring. No fanfare for a man who had to bowl through a poor era for England. A victim on more than one occasion of eccentric selection policies, Caddick finished his test career with 234 wickets at 29.91. He faced the best batting line-up in recent memory (Australia) and was able (Sydney 1999, The Oval 1997) to win us test matches. There is no fanfare for a great county bowler, no real tributes, no real recognition. He took 10 more 5 wicket hauls than you-know-who, in a dozen or so less test matches. I always quite liked him. He could have been a great third bowler in a great test side. Instead he and Gough had to carry passengers and we were never quite good enough. But not for the want of trying… Packed off to pasture too early, he was condemned as a man from an era of failure. We can be such muppets…
Has that satisfied you Sir Peter?
